Don't Tell Your Dad

BEWARE: THESE ARE FIVE MINUTES YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK

1. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

2. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

3. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it was tearable.

4. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

5. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

6. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

7. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

8. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

9. The rotation of the earth makes my day.

10. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

11. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

12. I've never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!

13. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts!

14. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

15. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

16. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

17. How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.

18. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

19. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

20. I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.